The Cure For Social Oppression

I used the term “social bullying” the other day, and the family member I was with asked me, “what is that?”. Her question surprised me as I thought the phrase was self evident.

Bullying is a well talked about subject these days and with the contention surrounding social media I assumed that social bullying was a well-known fact. But, perhaps, most haven’t labeled the phenomenon as such, and instead see the mass contention as simply heated conversations.

From my perspective, social bullying is prevelant, from social media, to prime-time media, to a drive down the freeway, the contention surrounding our social interactions has escalated with the advent of the anti-social, social media phenomenon.

There is a shift by many to control, manipulate, pressure, and socially bully others into so-called right ways of thinking and behaving. Some may call this positive peer pressure, but most of what I’ve observed and experienced feels more like an “If you’re not with us, you’re against us” bully tactic, not a lead-by-example, golden-rule type positive peer-induced pressure.

Empowered by anonymity and the courage found in the many degrees of separation their keyboards and smart devices give the human masses, most of us take liberties in conversation we wouldn’t have dreamed of taking back in the day when most of our interactions took place across the table from someone.

Social media and our capacity to influence masses of people with a few clicks of our keyboard has turned social bullying into an art form. Heated and manipulative peer pressure or encountering the mean kid on the playground is no longer a face to face affair, but a globally experienced, nameless, faceless, enigmatic event that has and is paralyzing and stifling large masses of people we now call, the silent majority.

Although healthy forms of peer pressure can still be flawed, it is useful in helping members of society to uphold positive cultural norms and values in order to keep the peace and to teach children how to contribute and fit in.

However, its shadow aspects tend to serve the loud-mouthed populace of social and prime-time media bullies, people who are self-gratified when their influence suppresses the voices and perspectives of anyone daring enough to disagree with them and upset the delicate glass house of values and norms they have constructed to protect their enormous, vulnerable egos.

I realize that my perspective on this subject may be an unpopular one, yet I believe I have a solution and a cure for a world sick with social bullying and oppression: individualism.

I’m not talking about the need for more people to dye their hair blue or get an unheard of tattoo, or even to discover a new and mysteriously complex gender. I don’t consider most of the self-perpetuating, self-absorption and obnoxious self-expression for all to see, that our Western society is obsessed with, to be individualism.

Instead, I would like to present here a simpler definition, one that does not include the need for social acceptance and the flamboyant, in-your-face, “you have to see me, but don’t judge me” counterfeit sham so frequently passed off and disguised as authenticity these days:

Individualism is a personal desire for and experimental, choice-based transmutation from dependency to independent-led sovereignty.

It is a letting go and maturing process from surviving as a dependent child, obsessed with social and cultural acceptance, to an independent and self-sufficient adult; one who is capable of comprehending synergy and interdependence from a place of self-acceptance, self-love, and knowing inherently what ones value and worth is and how that worth can be beneficial to oneself, to ones family and friends, and to society and the world at large.

In essence, individualism is sovereignty——the ability to know, love, and share oneself without the need for acceptance, yet still desiring to contribute and care for others using ones unique gifts and learned skills.

Sovereignty is the cure for our sick and viral need for social acceptance that has aggravated and infected our world. It is the cure for bullying on a social scale, and it is the most effective way to unify the masses without control or fear-based manipulation.

Why? Because when one is empowered with the knowledge of their own value and worth, separate from social norms and customs, one is able to see more clearly what is good, fair, tolerant, appropriate, kind, as well as base, corrupted, and unacceptable.

When one is infected with the constant need for outside approval, how do they know, in and of themselves, what is best, what is right, what is wrong, what is fulfilling, what is acceptable, or truly excellent?

If one is led, like a dog on a leash, to do whatever their master—social media, branding, fads, fanatics, mass-think—tells them to do, how could they possibly know anything for themselves?

When one is bridled or harnessed to peer-acceptance, whatever the most important social peers say and expect one to do, becomes the law.

Leash-led masses will always thoughtlessly, carelessly, and rashly follow their masters, regardless of where they are led. In fact, they are happy to do whatever they are told to get the petted praise, for acceptance is their greatest desire and most pressing concern.

Those led by peer acceptance feel and act vulnerable because they are. When ones sense of value and worth is based on an ever-changing opinion, like that of social media influencers, one is always threatened with some form of alienation and shame if they stray from the pack. Like a bunch of sixth graders, the less popular must follow the most popular to stay within the good graces of those leading the pack.

With that kind of social structure, the only thing one can know for certain is what is spoon-fed to them by those who keep them subdued with praise or oppressed with the fear that if they don’t follow, they will be alienated, or worse, slandered, humiliated, and ultimately abandoned.

Society is sick because their social diets are becoming more and more narrow and specific, and no longer include the wide variety of social nutrients that come from diverse opinions and the transformative need for growth and learning through ones own beliefs and choices.

Individualism teaches one to know what is right, good, worthwhile, excellent, base, sad, and terrible, through experience and it shuts down law by social popularity and opens the door for law by individual consent.

What’s the difference? Laws by consent invite due process and aren’t afraid of the time it will take to come to an agreement. Laws enacted by social popularity hate due process and demand immediate action; no need for thought or agreement, we want it now! Everyone agrees, right? RIGHT? You know the consequences for not agreeing, alienation and slander.

But, individualism, when cultivated in every member of society, abolishes the need for social popularity because it destroys the leverage social bullies use to gain followers.

You can’t threaten a sovereign person with alienation, slander, or hate because they don’t need approval, respect, or social acceptance to be happy, fulfilled, or to believe they have something to contribute and valuable to share.

Despite their lack of social acceptance, sovereign people will always have a tribe and will always feel good about themselves and their contribution. They have developed a character that is dense and fortified with truth and love.

Nelson Mandela is a wonderful example of individualism. Slandered, imprisoned, alienated for his unpopular beliefs and perspectives, yet none of these horribly devastating trials stopped him from rising to leadership. Despite his seemingly insurmountable difficulties, he had a sovereign belief that surpassed the popular, the acceptable, and the ever-shifting social structures. 

Although your individualism and sovereignty will not always protect you from social bullies and from experiencing laws or leadership that do not align with your morals or principles, it will fortify you against outside attacks on your principles and the instability of peer-based acceptance.

A sovereign individual will always come out on top, even if its only in their own hearts and minds.

Everyone, at one time or another, feels the sting of negative social opinion and expectation. It hurts to be slandered, criticized unnecessarily, and alienated from love and acceptance.

However, this social sickness of needing acceptance at all cost and its devastating symptoms—paralysis, hiding, contention, suicide, depression, bullying, extreme aggravation, feelings of isolation, losing friends and family over petty disagreements, and countless others—can be cured.

Your worth is not dependent on what humans think. You are inherently valuable. You are here at this time for a reason and your gifts, when refined and supported by a sovereign character, are very much needed.

Here’s a basic prescription to start immediately to heal and build a more sovereign-based character:

• Turn off the bulk of social media and be more choosey and intentional about what you allow in your life and mind

• Surround yourself with people and opportunities that inspire and empower you

• Get to know yourself outside of your social settings—explore your preferences, skills, desires, and others aspects of self without asking others for their opinions

• Analyze your mental and emotional habits, and look for ways of challenging societal expectations with your own beliefs and character decisions

• Allow yourself to politely disagree with others, even if its only in your head

• Stop defending your values with anger and allow others to think and feel what they choose without control

Individualism is the cure. I know this from sad experience. As one who wasted too many years looking for acceptance where I would never find it, I offer this balm, that there is great happiness to be had in a sovereign shift.

Loving who you are, is the cure. Loving others, despite their stupid opinions, is the cure. Caring less about what others think and more about what you can give, is the cure.

Be your sovereign self, and you’ll find fulfillment that doesn’t require others acceptance to make it stick or rob you of it when you find who you are is not in harmony with popular opinion.