Style Makeover

Style

Apr 13

There are a lot of misconceptions about what authenticity is, especially when considering its relationship to style.

For some reason, in our modern era, when style and authenticity are coupled together, the combination often denotes some form of extremism—loud colors, rainbow hair, big and brash movement, enormous accessories, clunky shoes, large floral prints, or the exact opposite, an unkempt, hobo-like appearance.

Because of that misnomer, authenticity is often thought to be achieved, at least stylistically, when a person exhibits how bold or in-your-face they are and how little they care about what others think.

Certainly, if one is purposely and intentionally dressing in a way that promotes one’s desire for extremism, or wishing to go on display as an “in your face” exhibit, styling oneself in such a way will get the job done. That person will be seen as extreme.

However, just because one is compelled to display in such a fashion does not necessarily mean they are being authentic. Extremism is not, by definition, a form of authenticity, nor is it, by virtue of its being extreme, stylish. It is extremism, that is all.

To express through style, or the lack thereof, a flagrant sort of “I don’t care what others think,” whether that be through bold flamboyance or the exact opposite, a careless abandonment and apathy towards all things fashionable, and everything in between, the ideology of “not caring” is, more often than not, considered an undeniable and courageous assertion of authentic expression.

But is the “I don’t care what others think” movement, truly an expression of authenticity?

In today’s entry, I am arguing that caring about how you are being perceived by others is the key to authentic style, not the reverse.

The Purpose & Function of Style

Style, in its essence, is a form of communication.

When one gets dressed, one is revealing themselves and communicating to the world who they are. Not caring, is simply one message one could communicate about themselves.

It is important for one to consider carefully the ramifications of what one chooses to put on as a representation of their character, values, and gifts.

Deliberate disregard for one’s appearance and style, for example, in the form of complete and utter indifference, will only testify to others of one’s blatant neglect in caring for oneself, not socially declare one to be “above it all”.

Most people will not perceive an individual who ignores or fails to attend to their own appearance, as confident. But rather, they will observe one’s apathy as a lack of confidence—not intelligent aloofness—and one’s vulnerable display of personal disregard, will often be judged as ineptness or a form of ignorant disillusionment.

If one truly doesn’t care what others think—a mantra many presume to be champions of nowadays, especially with regards to fashion—that message will be communicated loud and clear by the effort, or lack of effort, one makes to express that fully.

But caring or not caring what others think is not a message or mantra of authenticity.

Instead, caring or not caring what others think is a mantra declaring one’s developed capacity, or incapacity, for being relatable, optimistic, and cooperative.

Being aware of and sensitive to the observations of others in regards to one’s own appearance is essential to one’s expression of authenticity, because if one desires to communicate their value, one must recognize this fundamental human equation:

Appearance is equal to credibility.

Although style cannot make a person trustworthy—one must develop that virtue for themselves—one’s style is an expression of one’s trustworthiness.

Regardless of feelings, and even character, presenting to others an accurate and thoughtful appearance will communicate and foster mutual understanding and trust more quickly and more effectively than simply hoping one’s character and value will be assumed without consequence of appearances.

Instead of fostering an “I don’t care what others think” philosophy, replace it with an “I care what I communicate to others” ideology.

One should care how they are being perceived, because how one presents themselves to the world increases or decreases one’s credibility, reputation, and character; one is naturally scrutinized based on how one chooses to express their inner nature in the outer world.

That doesn’t mean one’s likability will always increase when one is dressed authentically, but style can help increase one’s ability to be understood fully because it increases the ability to communicate identity more accurately.

Style is at its absolute best when it represents one’s character, one’s life perspective, and one’s inner world.

The Difficulty With Being Stylish

Style, especially authentic style, is overwhelming to many, and this overwhelm can manifest in different ways, most notably in an apathetic approach to shopping for clothing and getting dressed.

What fashionable individuals may perceive as indifference, awkwardness, or insecurity in those who have not learned how to take their appearance more seriously, is more likely the result of one’s confusion about fashion and style that has ended in defeat, or a “why bother” attitude, not a lack of self-esteem.

The fashion industry has made style much more confusing and complex than it really is, and they are rarely, if ever, helpful in supporting consumers in being authentically stylish. They merely provide an exorbitant amount of options for dressing one’s body, most of which do not suit the majority of bodies they are claiming to be experts in styling.

In our modern fast-fashion world, one’s confusion over fashion and style is understandable and relatable. Not everyone finds styling themselves to be an easy, enjoyable, or even a useful, practice.

Although the absence of a carefully curated style often suggests to others, especially those who enjoy fashion trends, that one is unclear about who they are, one may know themselves well and simply be confused about how to use fashion to style themselves in the most advantageous way.

Therefore, a lack of style is not a clear indicator of one’s awareness or expression of authenticity.

Yet, one’s lack of style-prowess can expose one to misunderstanding, prejudice, and disparaging criticism, giving a false sense of one’s credibility and judgment, and by so doing, compromise one’s authentic expression.

As much as we’d all like to be above scrutinizing others solely on appearance, it is almost impossible for most of us not to. If one wants to be taken seriously, one must first take themselves seriously. One’s authentic style is an important place to start.

The goal of authentic style is to speak volumes about oneself, without having to open one’s mouth. It is meant to be intentional—to care what others think—by introducing the right image, the one that best validates and demonstrates one’s values, energy, and gifts, so one can be understood.

Yes, authentic style can be a difficult practice, at first. Most, if not all, will stumble and strain to get it right. But because of the serious ramifications one’s personal style can have on one’s credibility, it is worth the struggle to master it.

Authenticity Is An Energetic Vibe

One doesn’t choose to be authentic, one is authentic.

Many perceive authenticity to be a choice or an action, like dying one’s hair or putting on clothing, when in reality it is more of an energy. Humans are born unique. They have an inherent energetic presence that governs and promotes that uniqueness.

Authenticity is an innate and unique essence, energy, and perspective that one may give physical form to through one’s actions and choices.

Essence, or one’s authentic energy, does not change. It can only be expressed in its various forms—style being one of those forms. But style is not authenticity, it is simply a physical representation and reflection of it.

Style Reform: Dress Your Energy

Because authenticity is energy, it is most often felt before the person is seen.

For example, when two individuals meet for the first time, essence—in the form of an energetic vibe—is often sensed before physical functions, like sight, smell, and touch are activated by the brain, although this phenomenon is rarely noticed.

One’s energy is felt first and then their body is seen.

If one dresses their body in clothing that matches their energy and vibe, the observer will be put at ease and will see and feel only harmony and credibility—presupposing, of course, that the people involved in this example are caring and relatively trustworthy individuals; clothing will not mask, at least not completely, bad people with bad intentions, bad behavior, and bad vibes.

Styling oneself appropriate to one’s authentic energy, rather than simply following fashion trends or doing nothing to dress oneself intentionally, is of utmost importance if one wants to be seen and felt to be credible. (In other words, people will see the best in you, when you are dressed to suit your energy.)

The purpose of styling oneself is to harmonize and reinforce in one’s physical appearance the energetic vibe one is naturally exuding, and therefore, communicating who one is to others.

To say that more simply, clothing speaks volumes, for good or ill, about the wearer. One can communicate the best of themselves or the worst simply by getting dressed, especially if one is intentionally wearing clothing which is in harmony with who they inherently are.

When one’s style supports one’s energy, a clear and authentic message is immediately transmitted, clarifying who one is both energetically and physically.

When one’s style and outer appearance is in disharmony with one’s energy, a mixed and confusing message is broadcast.

A person’s energy speaks volumes about who they are, with or without style.

However, without the blending of the inner and outer that style provides, it is difficult to communicate fully who one is authentically—one’s values, credibility, gifts, and so forth.

To clearly communicate one’s value and worth, one must represent oneself in harmony, both within and without.

Styling Energy and Essence

If one truly wants to communicate a nonchalant and confident, “I’m above the fashion trends and intelligently aloof of fads” presentation to the world, it will take more than not caring to do it right.

Instead, one will need to first understand the energetic vibe they are expressing and style their physicality with a modest representation of who they are on the inside.

Sometimes one’s energy is bold and outright. In that case, it would be appropriate to dress with a more extreme and emboldened flare.

However, if one’s energy is more naturally subdued—causing one to feel lost in a crowd—styling themselves as a bold individual will simply make them a source of confused attention, and instead of communicating a unique energy and presence, they will be observed as fake or trying too hard.

Playing to one’s unique, energetic vibe’s strengths is the first rule of authentic style. The second is to understand the complexity and dynamic nature of one’s energy, so that one’s stylistic expression is vibrant and alive, not stale, generic, or boring.

One isn’t simply bold or subtle. All are gifted with a variety of values and inherent attributes which can be expressed in a myriad of ways to create a more eclectic, distinctive style, one that has the ability to sensorily speak to others in powerful and authentic ways.

Case Study

Over the years, I’ve had many opportunities to observe the authentic style phenomenon at work, enhancing or destroying a person’s credibility and likability. Several examples spring to mind.

The first example is a social phenomenon most know as, bad vibes.

Bad vibes are something most have felt, but perhaps have not taken the time to analyze.

Bad vibes are most often acquainted with feelings of danger, threat, distrust, and situations where one encounters a person energetically perceived to be creepy, unsettling, or ominous.

There are ample examples, perhaps even personal, illustrating this energetic phenomenon, like unsuspecting individuals encountering a serial killer on a trail and, because of the bad vibes they felt, managed to survive to tell the tale.

But what about those less sensational examples, when a bad vibe was felt around someone who wasn’t really dangerous, but who’s energy felt confusing or wrong.

A second example would be encountering a person who feels fake, like they’re trying too hard to be something they are not.

What is happening energetically when someone feels off for unexplainable or unexpected reasons? More often than not, one is simply sensing an energetic ambiguity, a disharmony or misalignment, in that person.

When one experiences such an imbalance in another person, like an off or confusing vibe, that broadcast is often translated by the observer as deception, as if the person one has encountered is trying to withhold or hide some aspect of themselves, and that withholding or duplicity makes them feel fake or phony.

If authentic energy does not match physical expression—appearance and style, voice, body language, etc—perception turns from genuine and natural, to artificial, shallow, or overcompensation, like one is trying too hard to be something they are not.

I’ve personally observed this troubling aspect of inadvertent and unwitting deception and overcompensation in my work as a personal brand specialist.

When one’s energetic, unique vibe is being portrayed as anything other than what it is, observers, like consumers, will perceive something is off. Marketers are aware of this and work tirelessly to be, or at least to appear to be, credible.

Everyone is capable of seeing through deception, although the form of deception is not always clearly visible. In terms of a person’s energy or vibe, it can be tricky to isolate where authentic expression ends and fake-ness begins.

One clear example and observation is found in those using overtly sexual strategies in their brand and marketing when their unique energy and vibe does not support the eroticism they are displaying.

For example, every woman has their own sensual energy. However, not every women exudes a hedonistic, seductive sex appeal. Yet, many, many women believe that by using the strategy of lusty provocativeness they will become appealing, and therefore more marketable, at least in a general sort of way.

Sex sells. That is something we all can agree upon.

But does that mean that sex-appeal is generic? No. In fact, it is surprisingly singular.

Yet, one can often observe generic forms of sex-appeal being implemented by a wide variety of women and men, most of which do not have the energetic vibe to pull off the subtleties of sensuality or the more overt and callous forms of provocative sexuality, and instead, come across as fake, awkward, childish, silly, or worse, vulgar and depraved.

One’s unique and singular energetic essence and presence is fixed. To display or present one’s authentic energy as anything other than what it is, is counterfeit and a self-deception that will only promote one as fake, false, and untrustworthy.

“Use what you’ve got,” a much more effective strategy for human connection and communication than generic methods designed to entrap rather than engender trust and captivate the soul.

Being clear and then clearly representing oneself is the most effective form of successfully communicating one’s immense worth and credibility.

Developing An Authentic Style

The key to developing authentic style is to first know oneself and then dress and style oneself with one’s energy in mind.

Certainly, this is easier said than done. However, there are a few strategies that can lessen the confusion.

First—one should become acquainted with one’s energetic vibe and presence, and create key energy and style words that help one to differentiate one’s style preferences from the many available.

Second—one must become familiar with style options that express one’s authentic energy. An easy way to achieve this would be to use one’s style and energy key words on search engines, like Pinterest, to discover appropriate fashion and style trends. Familiarizing oneself with style possibilities and making notes on those potential options is a free and accessible method.

Finally—some trial and error is necessary. One must purchase and attempt to dress oneself in clothing and accessories that support one’s energy, as well as assess and observe how others respond and react to one’s style choices.

How does one know if their energy and style are in alignment?

Although this is a complex question, as it involves a person knowing themselves well enough to use style to communicate what they know about their energy, there are a couple of ways to tell when one is in harmony:

Feeling aligned—

When one is aligned, one will feel that they are wearing a style and the style is not wearing them.

For example, if style elements feel too heavy, bulky, light-weight, slinky, soft, rough, stiff, loose, frumpy, or simply too uncomfortable in any way, most likely those style elements, like clothing and accessories, are incorrect for one’s energy.

One feels aligned when the style and the person feel natural and genuine together, nothing forced or artificial.

Feeling elevated—

One’s style should enhance and elevate one’s energy, vitality, and reputation, not diminish or dismantle it.

For example, one may feel the most comfortable in pajamas. Perhaps, a relaxed, soft, lounge-y vibe suits one’s energetic presence best.

However, pajamas are designed for sleeping and preparing to relax and rest. Although that may be desirable energetically for some, the questions is, do pajamas paint an entire picture of one’s energy and authentic expression? Do they elevate or offer a clear image to others of one’s value and worth?

When one steps out into the world at large, one should dress in such a way as to express one’s gifts, values, and trustworthiness.

Being drawn to soft, lounge-y clothing is appropriate for those with that energy. However, finding ways of elevating one’s choice, by representing oneself in the best light, is ideal.

Instead of choosing pajamas or yoga wear, for example, there are many options available for clothing items that feel pajama-like, but showcase one as a more complete and polished version of themselves.

Others noticing and feeling the alignment—

Harmony is contagious and energetic harmony can be felt and experienced by others.

Expressions like, “How nice that looks,” or “Wow! That color really brings out your eyes,” or “That outfit really suits you,” are good indicators that one’s style is in harmony with one’s energy as others are also experiencing the alignment.

Certainly, there are a variety of ways others may react, but when harmony is present, most often outside observations will be positive and encouraging.

There are always exceptions to this rule, especially if one encounters those who are displeased with everyone and everything or whose insecurities make them highly critical. Always use discretion when internalizing feedback.

Generally speaking, one’s credibility, likability, and relate-ability will increase, not decrease, as they achieve more harmony in style and energy.

Conclusion

There is an enormous difference between caring what others think in order to discern how well one’s style is representing one’s authenticity, and comparing oneself to others. One should be ever mindful of this juxtaposition and avoid the latter as much as possible.

(In other words, pay attention to what others say and how they react to you, but don’t let them or their opinions and expectations have the final say.)

Spending time comparing oneself to others will not foster greater authenticity, any more than self-deception and being fake will improve one’s likability.

Just as one should be mindful of remaining sovereign and authentic in mind and heart, one should be wary of using generic methods for determining one’s unique style, like body shape, seasonal color, or other “fit into this or that type” style systems.

These, one-size-fits-all systems, may be helpful at first, but they may also add unnecessary confusion to one’s style expression or foster cult-like feelings that misrepresent and taint authentic expression.

To advance one’s understanding of authentic style, one should choose helpful options that promote uniqueness, not categorization and generic generalizations.

There is no predetermined, perfect style for all. Instead, choosing to care about how one presents themselves to the world elevates one out of faddish fashion trends and style systems into a world of individualistic and sovereign choice.

Although one can’t change one’s energy and essence—and when one truly knows oneself wouldn’t think to do so—one can find harmony, and therefore joy, in how one presents themselves to the world.

Authentic style is an intelligent and no nonsense decision.

Style is only frivolous and unnecessary to one who is wrapped up in the self-deception game, trying vainly not to care what others think, or one who is choosing to remain buried in confusion, or those blinded by an overt sense of worrying about what everyone thinks through a lens of fashion-trending obsession.

Not caring what others think, or caring too much and comparing oneself to others, is not authenticity.

Instead, caring just enough how one is perceived, especially if one is concerned with one’s own credibility and individual worth, is authentic because it supports and maintains one’s character and reputation, ultimately supporting one to see themselves more clearly and share their gifts more expansively.